I was diagnosed with depression when I was 22 (though I’m quite sure it started in high school) and panic disorder and agoraphobia at 23. For the last 16 years, I’ve had ups and downs, countless medication trials (some with unbearable side effects), therapy, relapses, crises, and recoveries.
In 2013, Sara Bareilles released an album called The Blessed Unrest. The album opened with the empowering anthem Brave and just got better from there. It was and maybe still is my favorite work of hers (though I love everything she does so it’s hard to truly pick a favorite). The album contained a song called Satellite Call that, over the last 8 years, has been a comfort to me when I felt completely alone in the world. Because of Sara I felt less alone. This song means as much to me as a close friend might, for the number of times it’s reminded me that I can get through it.
This is so you’ll know the sound of someone who loves you from the ground. Tonight you’re not alone at all, this is me sending out my satellite call.
In 2018, my Dad passed away suddenly, unexpectedly, and excruciating. It changed me permanently.
In 2019, nearly a year after losing Dad, Sara released her next studio album Amidst the Chaos. It has been 6 years while she was working on Waitress since we’d had new Sara music that wasn’t waitress related, other than a couple of singles here and there. Needless to say, as a fan since the beginning, I was very excited. The first few tracks to be released just confirmed that this album was going to be amazing.
When I first heard No Such Thing, it struck me immediately as a song that made me think of Dad.
I feel you, you’re in the next room
At any given moment you could reappear.
Thin air, you're out there in it somewhere
If I could only get there, I could breathe again
Tell me how to start what comes after you?
I am in the dark, love, what now?
No such thing as over you, I don't want it anyway
I wouldn't even try to
If I don't let go, then there is no such thing as over this
I've tried to get over you, over you, over you
But I think there's no such thing
Broken
You're Rome, I am the ruins
The stone I can't find you in is all that still remains
Little white lights, they perforate every night sky
I say it to them every time "Come back in"
No such thing as over you, I don't want it anyway
I wouldn't even try to
If I don't let go, then there is no such thing as over this
I've tried to get over you, over you, over you
But I think there's no such thing
You're on my mind, all the time
But I can't fix it by fixating on a rewind
When a good thing changes and the change is staying
Only thing to find is what to hold on
'til there's something else to hold on to
Hold on, 'til there's something else to hold on to
No such thing as over you, I don't want it anyway
I wouldn't even try to
If I don't let go, then there is no such thing as over this
I've tried to get over you, over you, over you
But I think there's no such thing
That fall, Sara went on tour. I went to 4 shows: Nashville, Chicago, Pittsburgh, and Philadelphia. I could have seen it even more, it was such an amazing show and wonderful trips to accompany them. At the first show, Nashville, the tears started the second I heard the opening piano notes of No Such Thing. The song is so close to my heart, and hearing it live, in the same room as Sara, just made it all the more powerful.
As she gets to the end of the song, the music shifts slightly and I hear a familiar vocalization. From Satellite Call. The one song that might help me get through listening to No Such Thing. It was so perfect, and beautiful. Other than She Used to Be Mine from Waitress, these two songs have been the most healing for me and the fact that she combined them for tour could not have been more perfect.
A couple of weeks ago, they (finally!) announced that a live album of the tour was on its way. I’d been hoping for this for over a year! Throughout COVID lockdowns and quarantines, I would pull up live videos from YouTube of the song just to hear it again. I would listen to the opening of the tour, just to hear it again. And now I would FINALLY have professionally recorded audio from this tour that meant so much to me.
The album comes out next Friday, but last night at midnight, the track for No Such Thing/Satellite Call dropped. Please enjoy this masterpiece.
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